Ladies United: The Power of Affinity Groups
As I drove home last night, I thought to myself, “I’m going to write my Friday morning blog about my eventful evening”. I had just gotten off the Metro-North train from New York City, where I attended a gathering of Darden alumnae (women alumni). By the time I got home, about 15 minutes later, I was wondering if I needed to write about drunk driving. I am all about holiday cheer and holiday parties, but really people! There was so much aggressive driving and all out wandering into other driving lanes in my four-mile drive that I prayed for safe passage and wondered “where the h%ll are the cops when you need them!” But I will leave the topic of drunk driving for another day.
So last night we had a small reception of NYC-area Darden alumnae. I knew one of the attendees pretty well and after the name-game, figured out that I had actually interviewed another person about five years (I made her an offer and she turned me down. Big mistake! Huge! J/k) There were fifteen other women that I had never met, but there was such a strong kinship in the room and ease within the conversations. Before last night I didn’t know these women, but during the gathering our affinity toward each other as fellow alumnae was so palpable.
Last night reminded me of the importance of affinity groups, whether aligned by gender, ethnicity, religion, sexual orientation and beyond. Interacting with people from your “tribe” at least periodically can be valuable to any number of different areas of your personal and professional lives. For example, these connections might help you keep your sanity, particularly if you are in the minority at your job or provide important business connections. Affinity groups:
1. Affinity groups provide a forum for discussion, mentorship and venting (try not to do this too much)
Often we need to advice and support from people who understand from experience the complexity of our issues. We may have similar challenges and opportunities and by having a forum for discussion can get guidance on how to handle situations and avoid pitfalls. We don’t know what we don’t know, and affinity groups can provide the space to learn.
2. Affinity groups offer peer support
One of my favorite song titles is “I get by with a little help from my friends”. I think we sang this song in 7th grade chorus. It’s important to feel like we are not alone and have other people that can and will help us alone the way. This isn’t just about a cheerleader in your corner. Affinity groups may create a space of greater feeling of association that leads others to act on your behalf. During the session last night as one woman talked about her interest in making a career transition, you could see the other women in the room literally thinking through their mental rolodex to consider potential connections that they could make.
3. Affinity groups give you time in the majority
For those that are always in the majority, it’s really difficult for them to understand what it means to be “one of few” or the “only one”. It can be really taxing. It can feel like you are under a microscope, being closely scrutinized. Or worse, that you represent the entire affinity group, particularly when you do something wrong or different. When you come together with other people like you, it give you time to take the “only one” hat off and to be “like everyone else”. Of course, we are so much more than our gender or ethnicity, but it can be really difficult to recognize that when reminded of your difference daily.
Life is not all about your affinity group. We shouldn’t always travel in our “affinity packs”, leaving behind anyone who is different from us. But even when we achieve parity and equality in the workplace and other settings, there will always be a place and need for affinity groups and gatherings such as the one I attended last night. We need guidance, peer support and reminders that we are whole people. Affinity groups provide that.
